丷嘿暗里の静﹎メ

overnight layover at narita airport.
staying at nikko narita hotel
it would have been nicer if they had provided a yukata instead of pjs
nd i wished the connecting flight was at 4:30pm instead of 11:30am.
then i would have time to roam around narita city nd shop=  =
i should have resch the flight earlier..bagaaa

I DON'T WANNA GO BACK
i would so much rather stay here alone
spend all of my money. what's the point in saving anyway
only if i didn't have so much luggage
since i can't take summer courses anymore
what's the point of going back..ahhh= =
i've already wasted half of my summer..
it's inevitable that the rest of it will go to waste as well.
bagaaaa

my last night in shanghai
虽然这么一点东西都没有值得我留恋的,
可是还是有点舍不得- -
everything i visit a new place,
i always manage to find something that i dislike about it
here...or for china in general- -
there are wayyyyyy too many people
many people are rude nd inconsiderate.
but the thing that gets to me the most is all the beggars i see on the steps of the subway stations
i saw them in a few areas in tokyo, 
they were all middle aged men so i didn't feel that bad,
but many of the ones here include a child and adult.
i don't know if they're really a family,
but you just can't help but feel bad.
(reminds me of that person i saw last year..- -)
when i threw my change into their cups,
the girl in my jpn class said '你真有爱心, 我们都看的麻木'
= =it makes me feel just a little thankful that this isn't prevalent in the states
no matter how much i dislike that place,
at least i don't have to feel guilty since i don't see them
这个世界残酷的地方太多了= =为什么啊.

don't wanna think about things that i have no control over
going back to fuzhou tomrrow
i can eat and sleep for 5 days...summer ahhhh

after seeing 'cobalt blue' this weekend,
i found myself wanting to watch more of masami's dramas.
(since i have nothing better to do anyway=)
i'm currently watching/re-watching proposal daisasuken.
i remember watching part of it the summer of 07.
it was on a small screen so i didn't understand what they were saying,
since i couldn't read the subtitles/read it fast enough
now that i can actually read and understand what is going on,
i find myself learning quite a lot from what ken is going through.
except unlike him, we don't get second chances to change our past.
but one thing we can take away is to not take tomorrow for granted.
there might always be a tomorrow, but who knows what you have allowed to pass by you today.
what's here today will not always be there tomorrow.
(i'm not that naive)
but how do you know what's gonna be here and what's not?
how do i know if my choices are the right ones?
it seems like the choices i've made have yet to turn out the way i initially thought they would.
do i take into consideration other people's opinion or do i decide completely on my own?
either way, things never seem to work out.
why? i really did take a chance, but why is everything is difficult?
what should i do now? i'm indecisive again.
i wanna travel back in time like ken= =
もう一度チャンスをください

remember there's always tomrrow.
tomrrow's always a brand new day
so have faith.
don't make things so complicated
take things one step at a time
do what makes yu content
(attempt to if yu don't know what the thing is)
remember life is life
keep your head up

keep the faith. sleep tight

never thought i would encounter something like this
how can something so miniscule erupt into a full blown cat fight
that would later involve the police coming at midnight hours
just goes to show the ever so many type of people in this world
everyone is different and some more different than others..
whose words can you believe when you don't know either parties
but words are not everything.
people are scary.
why did i become one of those unfortunate ones.
i suppose it's just my kind of luck.
3.5 more weeks。。早く。。お願い

死んでも、誰が知ってる？　誰も。

21岁的第一天IS ALMOST OVER 了.
一点差别都没有.BAGA
今天懒的出去.呆在房间里到了5点多.
然后出去买吃的.
虽然很多吃的.但都不这么想吃.- -MD.
WANNA GO SHOPPING=\
THERE ARE SO MANY MALLS HERE
BUT I CAN'T BUY ANYTHING
所以也不想进去MALL里.
不知道每天能做什么
现在也没人能来陪我玩了- -
一个人在这里这么比在家里还孤独.
要7月能再去看KT CON就好了.
还可以为了因为能去看而HOPE一下
可是看不到了.- -
为什么要回来.为什么还要回去上SUMMER COURSES
真不知道我在干嘛. 
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TO ME.
只能喝点酒庆祝一下.
我这BAGA永远是BAGA.哀.

只省3天就要去中国了...
啊..TOKYO..I WILL MISS YOU=\
今天又逛了一天街.这里真的逛不完
太好了- -以后赚了钱一天要来这里花.
SHIBUYA逛完又去了KAT-TUN的CON
本来以为买不到票了
后来就有个饭把票给我
虽然位置很烂但是听的好爽.
虽然人只能看大屏幕.当时SOUND朝好.SPECIAL EFFECTS 也很棒
然后FANS也很HIGH..- -应该每晚都去.哈哈.
明晚有ARENA的票.能进进的看到JIN & KAME了.
想花的那么多票钱也值得了.
LIVE的听JIN的声音真的很好听. 
I CAN SO HC HIM ALL NIGHT LONG= =
I WAS A LITTLE DISSAPOINTED THAT HE DIDN'T SING 'CARE'
BUT AFTER LISTENING TO 'WONDER' AGAIN TONIGHT, 
I AM STILL IMPRESSED
THAT MAN CAN PULL OF ANY GENRE OF MUSIC
CHUOOOO SUGOIIIII
然后KAME的表演..- -SOO精彩.
THE OPENING STUNT...KIMONO.. GENDER CHANGE...WATER DANCE
SUCH A METICULOUSLY PLANNED PERFORMANCE
他们真是绝配.AK AK AK
ND其他人的也很好.KOKI.哈哈.
小流氓真的很可爱.很照顾人.
JPN PPOL REALLY KNOW HOW TO THROW A CON
IT'S SO WORTH IT

还有4个小时就要离开这里了
今年过的比以前快很多
他们说大学4年的时间一下就会过去
可能真的是吧。唉。快点过吧过吧

白天考完了freshmen最后的一个final
考完了感觉真的很好
but回到dorm就知道没那么好的事
书没还掉。整理了2天的房间还是乱七八糟的。礼物也没买
去gsu还书还下大雨，又摔了下。我可怜的knee
每次下雨都穿flipflops。每次也都滑倒= =
是这个城市路做的太破了还是我自己太白痴了.Md
害我都有恐惧症了，每次下雨都怕- -
睡觉老是觉得要摔下去一样
每次都被吓醒。bakabaka
雨停了就跑去了lenox给人家买东西
回来roommate都已经回家了
只剩我和一堆垃圾= =
不过现在只剩陪伴我2年多的箱子，
还有一个将要被丢到trash can里的枕头了。
快滚吧滚吧。

今年还算学到了些有用的东西，
不过很多也没什么用。学了就忘了
然后今年有的事变了。但很多还是老样子
有的人可能永远也不会见了，
有的过3个月后还会在elevator里每天见到。
和以后没机会见的人说拜拜了
Summer终于又到了。enjoy 吧
nd 拜托表让它一下就过去了

鬼天气。又下雨了。等下一定穿鞋

just returned from dinner at toco hills
it's really nice out tonight, the calm after the storm
had a conversation with kc about different aspects of our life
it seems like we are never content with where we are in life
there is always some aspect that we would like to change
so many regrets, insecurities, fears of what our actions may lead,
it's just a never ending cycle
one thing i admire about her is her self determination
although she may feel lost and inadequate at times,
but she knows who she is, she knows what her point of view is
and she isn't afraid to stand her ground when conflicts arise
this is the complete opposite of the type of person i think i am
in addition to feelings of total inadequacy,
most of the time i'm indifferent and easily swayed by others
and when i think i'm determined, i come to regret the choices i made.

at this point, i really don't know who i am
or who i'm going to turn out to be
i have been disappointed by life and by people in my life,
but the person who lets me down the most is really myself.
i guess that's what you get for always being at 2 opposite sides of the spectrum.
one of the greatest challenges in life is learning to deal with the cards life deals you.
i need to learn to forgive and forget, and move on with life

这鬼世界真tmd不公平= =！！
why do the locals get all the dibs
f#%kin' discrimination。mdmdmdmdmdmd
考完2 finals还以为会舒服点
so暴躁。。！！
最近烟抽多了长豆豆了，还好它不长脸上
真是报应。早上又有个8点半final
真是破学校md

edit//
越来越不适合一个人呆着,
totemo sabishi desu kara= =
或许应该夏天学会独立，就不用怕了
几年都适应不来，一个月有可能么
应该也没什么希望了
还好明年的roommate一直都会在
但这个也怕。so胆小。md
也只剩这里一个outlet了。可以多废话废话
--------------------------------------------------------------
finished everything today, now all that's left are finals
woke up at 4am, went to the library to finished edu project
i always have to leave things until the last fucking minute
kind of feel bad for my professor
i could have done a much better job if i had started it last week
also had jpn oral test, then econ presentation
i feel so relieved
i wished this feeling would never go away,
but it never lasts..............
on a second note, my netbook arrived today
it's white and pretty and kind of small
now i don't have to worry about being internet-less over the summer
i've realized that i cannot study at all in my room
there are so many distractions
and then my mind just starts to wander about stupid stuff
i'm in dire need of getting the fuck out of this place, asap- -

10 more days,
5 final exams,
1 stop in chicago,
then tokyo here i come!

The author said “人生短暂，且充满未知数，又何必去计较那么多有的没的？既然喜欢了，就好好去喜欢吧。。。已经两年了，我身边的人来了又走，走了又来，只有XX，她一直陪在我身边，以一种由表及里层层渗透的方式打入了我的内心，让我躲无可躲，逃无可逃，她曾指着我的心脏说我要慢慢走进你这里，我想，她已经做到了。。。这段时日，是XX一直在陪着我，一直在我身边安抚着我，XX早已成为我生活的一部分，我从习惯她的存在到习惯她的暧昧，从习惯她的气味到习惯她的亲吻，种种习惯加起来，她俨然已堂而皇之的侵入我心，使我防不胜防。习惯，果然是个很可怕的东西啊" I think it's really just human nature. When you think of all the habits you have, you understand how hard it is to restrain yourself from committing those habits. It's so ingrained in your head that you have no control over it. that's how love is. it just happens and when it does happen, you cannot help but give in to it. The girl said "是宿命" but really it's a choice that one makes or fails to make. no one is going to wait for you forever. you go places in life. you meet new people, and eventually you'll meet certain people who make their way into your heart. there will never just that one person.
”不经意的，看到了那根已经断掉的红绳，它看上去那么无力又无助，我轻轻拿起它，放到手心上，失神的凝视着，这根红绳在我手上带了两年，我带着它曾走过两年青涩的岁月，从未离过身，现在断了，心里溢起了丝丝哀伤和不舍，我轻轻吻了吻这根红绳，小心的将它收起。。。有一种心情叫失落，有一种美丽叫放弃，断就断了吧，送你一份祝福，送你一声珍重，送我一份坚强，送我一声永远。“ this marks the end of one story, and the beginning of a new one. may it be more beautiful and lasting than all the previous ones. no one knows what will happen in the future, so cherish what you have now.
finally finished it. i'm glad this story did not end in tragedy.